Memento Mori

by postrich bear

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1.
Doom Bloom 03:44
When I was young I wasn’t sure I’d be enough Always in my head and felt alone And I set me up for failure Cause failing is all I got I know it’s hard to be Singing in in the backseat Feeling like you dreams Are real as your surroundings I’m trying not fall But it’s been hard to stall How I miss these days Staying up late just to watch my favorite shows Gundam wing and Yu Yu Hakusho I’ve been Looking for some memory Cause it feels like somethings lost Tears running down your checks Knowing that it’s ending Play it on repeat Try to capture all the feelings I’m trying not fall But it’s been hard to stall How I miss these days I’ve been waiting this life for doomsday to arrive I don’t really mind I’m just afraid to die Cause when I’m gone who will sing all my songs Let you know it’s okay Let you know that you belong Even ugly ducks can be a swan.
2.
Cute 04:27
I used to cry when I was younger Now I can't shed one single tear I thought somehow this would make me stronger But now I've held it in for too many years Bruised up my knuckles am I now a man Get real fucked up whenever I'm feeling sad I'll kiss yah till my lips are bleeding I'll hold you close till we waste away When I'm with you I feel like we're the same Feel something most people probably think is strange I feel so cute When I'm with you I feel so cute When I'm with you Okay to talk on how you feel No shame in crying behind a steering wheel It's okay to be What you want to be It's okay to feel How you wanna feel
3.
Adagio 03:01
Heard you’ve been crying Heard you’ve been losing lots of sleep Staying up all night drinking to much caffeine Did you find salvation Working through one six pack every night Are you still joking about dying before you’re 29 Yeah you’re my baby Yeah you're my love And it drives me crazy Just to know that I might not be enough I know you've been sleeping Through everyone of your alarms Trying hard to stay where the world can’t do you any harm Drink lots of water And try and go out for a walk Reach out to your friends sometimes it helps just to talk Yeah you’re my baby Yeah you're my love And it drives me crazy Just to know that I might not be enough I know it’s been feeling slow Waiting for these feelings to grow But I know how it is and I know how it goes You don’t want it fast you want adagio
4.
Dejame 03:17
Such a shame all that we could never say We had to go our separate ways Now I doubt we are the same Think how much it could have changed Little darling I know we left so sad Dreaming of the summer wishing forever Dejame Llorar en tus brazos por que me siento solo Lamento mucho en la vida pero su belleza permanece olvidare me acuerdo mas de ti Anoche soñé contigo y esta mañana no me quiero despertar Do you remember how we felt back in that summer? Anoche soñé contigo y esta mañana no me quiero despertar
5.
Lost River 02:35
Feeling lost again Will this river meet its end Dragging both my feet Holding on To what’s left of of me Hold on I’ve been waiting all my life for this to pass Something tells me it’ll take longer but I know that I’ll last Wander down the only road I used to take to get me home sweet home Now where’d it go? Peak ahead around the bend I hope I find where this river heads Or maybe soon it ends Hold on I’ve been waiting all my life for this to pass Something tells me it’ll take longer but I know that I’ll last
6.
Lavender Sky 02:34
Gazing at the sky Tell me what you find In the world I used to write Is it now overgrown? Bleeding from my hand Laying where you stand I’ve been fighting myself again Feeling like I’ll never win So I’ll Put on my makeup And red nose for the thrill I know I’m a sad clown But I’ll make you smile still I’ll sing my swan songs Let you laugh at my pain It’s fine I’ll be all right Probably better off this way I know what it’s like running from a life You had so much promise then But is it still gone? Somewhere in a book Are the notes that you once took On how to live a happy life And let go of what’s inside So I’ll Put on my makeup And red nose for the thrill I know I’m a sad clown But I’ll make you smile still I’ll sing my swan songs Let you laugh at my pain It’s fine I’ll be all right Probably better off this way
7.
I’m glad it’s not like how it used to be Hours spent drowning out the pain I was trying so hard to find Something that I lost to time It’s not there Never was I don’t care I guess I’m fine Strange I’m not who I used to be I wonder if I would even recognize Myself anymore I talk loud Hoping that someone’s listening I’m not sure how many more rounds I got I’ve been trying so hard this life To make everything I do feel right But it’s not I fuck up Every time I start to try I’m aware it takes time I just wish An end was in sight Strange I’m not who I used to be I wonder if I would even recognize Myself anymore I’m looking up Hoping hope can be enough Taking one more step down the road Sitting in my my car As the rain comes down real hard I’ll keep driving on down this road I’m looking up Hoping hope can be enough Taking one more step down the road Sitting in my my car As the rain comes down real hard I’ll keep driving on down this road It’s the only road I’ve ever known
8.
Sucking down on a yellow pill Sitting by my bedside feeling ill Staring at a stupid telephone Knowing that no one would call And I was all alone Singing oh ohhhh oh I’m waiting here on the other side for you Singing oh ohhhh oh And I’m trying hard to feel better soon Couldn’t share a lifetime of pain Didn’t care at all always running From memories that you left way back home That’s why your bruise your knuckles wherever you go Singing oh ohhhh oh Wherever you are life can still be cruel Singing oh ohhhh oh Hazy rose daydreams forever for too Will I be like this forever Nothing holding me to a tether Now on my way To somewhere I’ve never been I don’t care Just trying hard to win Pas de deux in the dead of night Your reflection in the waters not looking right Down on your knees hands out in the air Howling at the moon hoping that somebody hears Singing oh ohhhh oh Star light star bright I ask of you Singing oh ohhhh oh If I’m running hard will I get somewhere soon?
9.
On A long stretch of empty highway With heavy eyes on a winding road Pulled off to the side Heard the gunshots go and go Then drove back into the night all alone Sunshine she must have left me Cause I'll see now are buckets of rain Rolled down both my windows Thought I saw you dancing there Underneath the moonlight this I swear Don't stay up late Don't wait too long We'll all get back to where we belong Devil on my left Sweetest angel on my right 40 miles to go, but I'll be all right Traveled down meant for strangers Met a man who plays for pennies every night Slams a mean guitar Hits notes higher than the sky Yet somehow he only made me feel sad inside I can go for miles on a spring breeze With the smell of flowers filling up the air Go down to the river look into the waters glare I can see my reflection not who is there Don't stay up late Don't cry too long We'll get back to where we belong Staring down the road like a barrel of a gun Only 40 miles to go and then I'm done All right Wade...
10.
Sweet Laguna 03:51
Sweet Laguna running through my mind Like the way I go running to feel something inside me And I’m so sorry I didn’t pick up that time You wanted to blow through my town for the night Lately I’ve been sleeping the days away again Honest I’m not sure if I can still pretend I’m happy Talk for awhile between all the bands Ask you how you’re doing are you here cause if happenstance Read your writing you bleed out onto some page When I read it I’m always feeling the same I’ve been watching tv endless for hours Trying to find something new to devour Feeling empty Keep on running till I can’t run anymore Been Trying to feel how I used to feel before In that summer Sweet Laguna I’ve been falling asleep Dreaming of popsicles in the summer heat
11.
Skeleton 03:32
Don’t be sad I know you are not what you want And you miss summers a lot Cause now you can feel all the rot Don’t be mad I know you are what you hated then Going through that shit again Wishing for just one more friend Waiting for your life to mend Don’t be what they want you to Don’t be what they tell you to Don’t be nothing you don’t want to be Hey skeleton it’s me Hey skeleton it’s me I’ve been singing Way too long here by myself Wishing I was someone else Someone who could actually help And I'm out there Somewhere beyond the great unknown Sitting up on some grand throne With flowers in my hair While crying everywhere Don’t be what they want you to Don’t be what they tell you to Don’t be nothing you don’t want to be Hey skeleton it’s me Hey skeleton it’s me Hey skeleton it’s me Hey skeleton it’s me
12.
I heard you lost your wings You had the darkest eyes That year in Halloween Made all the children cry How I love The way you drain my blood Rip up my skin Fill my head with sin I know that I can’t be Everything you need I can’t kill for fun But I’d kill for your love Drowning in the rain What’s a little pain In the grand scheme I’d give you everything My skeleton and me Heard you’re playing with matches now Watching ashes falling down I know that you just need a friend Waiting for your wings to mend I know I know I know I know Ain’t it so tragic We can only imagine Feeling fantastic Cause we’re alive and plastic But maybe when we’re dead Maybe when we’re dead Maybe when we’re dead We'll feel nothing instead
13.
I was dreaming of the west coast Thinking of it like some old ghost I’ve been running past the fog lake Where I buried all my old ways Now I’m getting fucking drunk Now I’m getting fucking drunk Getting fucking drunk Hate myself then I throw up Now I’m getting fucking drunk Now I’m getting fucking drunk Getting fucking drunk Hate myself then I throw up Said I’d see the world someday But I never saw is it that way Doing drugs in some backyard Feeling stuck without a restart I was so fucking young I was so fucking young So fucking young Now I've grown but I’m still dumb I was so fucking young I was so fucking young So fucking young Now I've grown but I’m still dumb Young body But this blood made an old soul Running out of time Loved ones growing so old Touch the stars I'm so close I'm not so far Even my creator knows Used to be the one that wanted to listen Now my minds really quiet Cause I'm tired of bitching When I release inner peace Know a god has risen Know I'm never on a leash I aint with the system I’m Feeling fucked in my head Feeling fucked in my head Fucked in my head It’s been hard to go to bed I’m Feeling fucked in my head Feeling fucked in my head Fucked in my head Let me live or let me rest Feeling like my life is ending I wish my wings weren’t still mending So I could just fly away And find a better place But I know that wherever I go Down the river or where the wind blows I’ll still be all the things That never were enough So hold me sweetly Forever through the night I Hope I’m still here Come the morning light It was always love It was always love It was always love Can Love be enough? It was always love It was always love It was always love Can Love be enough?

about

Postrich Bear is the musical project of Andy Alvarez. This album was written and recorded by Alvarez throughout 2019 and 2020 as they reflected on the subject of death as it became more and more a part of their personal life.

This album was recorded like all other Postrich Bear songs on less than ideal recording equipment and free music editing software.

credits

released October 30, 2020

All trumpet Tracks performed by Matthew Mischke
Additional vocals on "Doom Bloom" and "Lost River" performed by Megan Blankenship
Lead Guitar on "Plastic Cowboy" was done by Macks Johanesen
Thank you to everyone that gives my music a chance it means a whole bunch to me. ^_^

The songs "Dejame" and "40 Miles with Wade" are dedicated to both of my grandmas Maria and Cherry. Thanks for always believing in me and loving me.

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