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In my thoughts you still smile a lot

by postrich bear

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1.
batty 03:28
batty I love you I don't care what you are with my my blood running down the red hood of your car and I know your sharp teeth will just tear me apart but I don't really mind cause you won't touch my heart and that's all that matters to me and that's all that matters to me batty I'm scared someday soon I will die cause I have to remind myself that i'm alive and I know that you've done some bad things in the past like kill other suiters when the love didn't last but I know you'd never kill me yeah I know you'd never kill me deep in my bones I still feel so alone cause I can't hold you close and you see me like a ghost batty I love you that's all I gotta say cause I know pretty soon that you have to go away and I know I'm not for you and you're not for me just two parallel lines for the time happily batty I love you that's all I gotta say cause I know pretty soon that you have to go away and I know I'm not for you and you're not for me just two parallel lines for the time happily
2.
you hate the way I sound so I talk loud when you're around I just wanted you to notice me as something more than your old scene and I know why you cry all alone at night I only wanted to be your heavy honey heap so I could stick to you and be what you need even though I know someday i'll leave I hate the way you sigh and lately we never say goodbye you always wanted something real and I was to obsessed with how you feel and I know why you cry all alone at night I only wanted to be your heavy honey heap so I could stick to you and be what you need even though I know someday you'll leave
3.
hey bird 03:12
hey bird I just called to say that I still love you everyday and I heard you lost your wings a year ago on halloween and I hope you fly again I'd really love for you to fly again Hey bird you no longer pick up the phone you flew south to find a new home I heard now you only walk on land you're the same word that I still don't understand and I hope your wings will mend so someday we'll fly again remember flying way up high i'd lift you up above the sky beneath the star sick blinding light the only time I ever felt alive
4.
Something about the way you brush your hair when I see you walk makes me want to sing I can't believe i'm holding hands with the prettiest girl and I love the way you speak and how you view the world and though we won't alway agree I respect your views and your decree something about the way you make me sway every single day I fall right no my knees and sing I can't believe i'm holding hands with the prettiest girl and I love the way you speak and how you view the world and though we won't alway agree I respect your views and your decree
5.
Heaven please by oh by let me keep my pumpkin pie as you know the sky will fall when she cries and she hates to be alone and is scared of the unknown so she clings to the only thing that she knows devil speak that's not me i'm the awful memories buried deep inside the backroads of her mid cause i'm crude and i'm rude and they say i've killed a few oh but hey man what the hell you have too and I wanna be around to get you up when you are down i'm the same as when you left but know i'm fighting my own death as you try so hard to forget your old regrets paint me blue if you choose it's the color that seems to suit the way we feel without the other to consume and I wanna be around to get you up when you are down and I wanna be around to get you up when you are down
6.
arbil 02:27
catch me I am falling through the cracks of your broken heart laying beneath the stars waiting to fall apart sea salt in my stomach from when you let me sink to long drowning beneath the blue screaming your my waterloo cut my hair when you told me you didn't love me no more then you showed up at my door you stayed but i slept on the floor blood stains on my shirt from when i fell from your chimney spout I tried to say i love you but bloody words wouldn't leave my mouth i'm sorry that your grandma died and all i could do was hide sorry i wasn't there it's not fair to say I care
7.
I only wanted to be something but to you i'm still nothing think of me as a ghost think of me as a ghost haunting you everyday oh maybe someday you will love me maybe someday I will love me and then I can be a functional human being go to work and pay the bills let my lungs fill up let my lungs fill up let me drown let my lungs fill up let my lungs fill up let me drown let my lungs fill up let my lungs fill up let me drown drown let my lungs fill up let my lungs fill up let me drown drown let my lungs fill up again let my lungs fill up with water until I drown let my lungs fill up again let my lungs fill up with water until I drown let my lungs fill up again let my lungs fill up with water until I drown
8.
and I will be fine these things take time don't you know and days move so slow without you around to make them go and lately you have been on my mind ain't it strange someday I will be everything that you need but now I am someone you can't rely on and I am sorry I can't be who you need tomorrow
9.
rewind 02:46
I know you're not like that others and I hope that you're fine when you rewind and see that when you uncover that true love don't wait and you'll laugh and you'll cry every time when you try everyday just be everything that you say but you're not and it's fine but you'll hope and you'll sigh and you'll pray to some fuck everything's ok
10.
11.
sweet ghostly princess i've waited for you here by the grave where you whispered in my ear hold your head up high don't let your love rush by when the end is near it's not death you'll fear sweet ghostly princess I have waited for you here by the grave where you whispered in my ear let your love grow
12.
I will suffer the cost dwelling deep in the blue fell asleep in your arms while the sun shined down on you I will began to descend into your memories and your dreams into your memories and your dreams into your memories an your dreams that's where you'll find me where you'll find me
13.
last night you said as you cried that I can only love you tonight tomorrow you'll leave back south to your new life and your new house and I screamed that I loved you the same as back as when we'd fight when we were eight years old and in every picture that I hold nothings changed cause you still smile the same way and i've been told boy your growing old and I don't think you should waste your time on old ghosts and when we see the other we don't speak we just look away and let our old love be and wonder what the fuck that even means and you still call sometimes when you're too drunk at night and I still call sometimes when i'm too sad at night and we'll say hey I hope you're fine and we'll say hey I hope you're fine cause it's been a long long time sunshine and I don't think i'm gonna make it this time and i've been told boy you're growing old and I don't think you should waste your time on old ghosts and when we see the other we don't speak we just look away and let our old love be and wonder what the fuck that even means and you still call sometimes when you're too drunk at night and I still call sometimes when i'm too sad at night and we'll say hey I hope you're fine and we'll say hey I hope you're fine
14.
relief 03:32
I know I shouldn't say I love you especially when I know you don't care I know we don't talk like we used to I thought we made a good pair and i'll try to be anything but me if you need then i'll be your relief even though i'm nothing more but stupid me I heard lately you've been looking somber trying hard not to fall apart sometimes I wish I could just call you and have a little heart to heart and i'll try to be anything but me if you need then i'll be your relief even though i'm nothing more but stupid me 45 years from now i'm not quite sure how you will pick me up from an airport by your house you'll look me in the eyes you'll be fine and I love you the same as back in 2009 and i'll try to be anything but me if you need then i'll be your relief even though i'm nothing more but stupid be
15.
slow morning 01:24
you still feel so alone I still feel so alone
16.
we sat half naked on the roof of your house gazing at stars and talking about all the things that we could be then we shot the breeze and smoked some weed and she looked me in the eyes and said don't let me grow old i've lived enough of this life and i'm already freezing cold she said would you shoot me in head we just cried and drank liquor instead and made our way back to the bed only 16 but already feeling dead and I don't think that I can say that i'm doing ok but i'm with you almost every night pretty sad but I guess i'm all right i'm all right i'm all right and so I hear you're happy now with a boy that never frowns and you only seem sad when i'm around sorry he's so up and i'm so down it's just hard for me to believe when my life's falling apart at the seams but it can't be as bad as it seems cause i'm surrounded by such beautiful things oh and how I love my friends and our nights that simply never end let me say I hated this last summer cause for me it was just one fucking bummer and I don't think that I can say that i'm doing ok but i'm with you almost every night pretty sad but I guess i'm all right i'm all right i'm all right and my friends say that it gets better but i'm just glad it's sweater weather cause my arms aren't that impressive i'm not athletic i'm just depressin and my friends say that it gets better but i'm just glad it's sweater weather cause my arms aren't that impressive i'm not athletic i'm just depressin football bros you'd rather fuck footbal bros

about

songs written between 2011- 2016

credits

released January 8, 2017

thank you Bryan Kennedy, Nick Brink, and Matthew Mischke for helping and keeping me company over the four days i recorded this.

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postrich bear Salem, Oregon

www.facebook.com/postrichbear/

Making music in a basement.

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